Susan Blond is Any Wharhol's protege and founder of the #1 NYC publicity agency (Susan Blond, Inc. www.susanblondinc.com).
Don't Say "I Forgot Your Name":
“Hi! You look so great, so slim!”
“I can’t believe you two have never met – you two are my favorite people!”
“You are both so famous in your worlds — you will love each other.”
“He’s the best doctor — and you always have things that hurt.”
“There she is!” (Maitre d’s use this every day)
When in doubt, no one minds when their titles are exaggerated. My first day working at United Artist Records, Andy Warhol introduced me as the head of the company.
Sometimes I like to ask someone to spell their last name. It’s the clue you need to remember the whole name.
I don’t leave any time to see if a person has remembered my name or not. I say “SUSAN BLOND — Blond like hair” and I point to my hair.
Michael McCarty goes around to each table at his restaurant Michael’s and makes a fuss (and not just with the regulars). He’s been known to say “She’s in the house!” like you were at a club.
Bruce Springsteen gave everyone their own name. Mine was “Movie Lady” because we were making a video in Asbury Park at the time with Southside Johnny and Ronnie Spector. It worked for the both of us.
Stop Telling Stories:
Whether you are talking about Andy Warhol or Michael Jackson, any story lasting more than one minute will have people falling asleep.
Stop your story after 30 seconds and see if anyone asks you to continue.
Look in the eyes of the people you are talking to. If they are starting to glaze over, stop — you’ve lost them.
Do not try to top someone’s story with your own story on a similar subject.
Other than the few seconds of seeing what you have in common, don’t talk about your kids, pets, or headaches.
You are impressive by the questions you ask — not your monologue.
After The Tan Fades:
If you are anxious that those lazy crazy hazy days of summer will be over, just think:
1. You can eat again. People won't see your body until winter break.
2. You can stop doing pedicures and waxing.
3. You don't have to think about heating the pool, gas for the barbecue or leaky roofs.
4. You don’t have to drive to get to any store, even for milk or Excedrin. You can just hail a cab or hop on a bus. I also like the pitter patter of the sidewalk — you can walk everywhere.
5. The city doesn't have as many bugs — especially spiders.
6. You don’t have to feel guilty when you don’t invite guests for the weekend.
7. If you consider that getting to and from the beach or country takes hours of driving, packing and unpacking, once you stop going your weekend is much longer.
8. You don’t have to go to King Kullen as an activity.
9. You’re calm because your shrink is finally back.
10. Your neighbors in the city are from the city. Some have won Academy Awards.
11. You can walk to 20 places to pray within a few blocks.
12. The raccoons and deer won’t throw the garbage cans over.
13. You can get all your newspapers delivered.
14. In September, the streets start smelling better.
15. The shopping is better. Even window shopping.
16. You'll never be too warm to hug each other. The people are gorgeous in the city — and such a mix.
17. You can start reading The Ways of the Righteous and prepare for the holidays.
Houseguest Rules in 2009/ 11 Tips:
I try to emulate Abraham from the Torah and how he treated guests, or how Rebecca made sure the horses drank water when they arrived. But sometimes I fast-forward and come up with these not-so-biblical rules:
1. Don't bring flowers. Everyone at the beach or in the country has something growing that they cut fresh and put on the table. Also don't bring fruits or vegetables from the city because they are better straight from the earth.
2. Leave cash for the cleaning lady for the following week.
3. The best guest cancels the night before so the hosts have no chance of inviting anyone else.
4. Offer to fix things. One of my favorite guests fixed the flat tires on our bikes. Another replaced the trash bins.
5. If your hostess is crazy enough to let you bring your dog, make sure it doesn’t get stuck under the deck.
6. Clear the table and don’t choke on the hostess’ guacamole.
7. If it rains keep smiling. Make the most of your weekend.
8. Don’t talk on the phone, work on the computer, email or watch TV in any shared rooms without asking. And don’t talk about your problems.
9. Always tell your hosts how thin they look.
10. Never wake your hosts, even if you have already biked ten miles at 7am and are lost.
11. When you’re sitting on the sofa without shoes, DO NOT PICK YOUR FEET.
Beach Time in '09 / 3 Tips:
1. Stay off phone and Blackberry. If you do get a call you need to take — put your head inside your beach bag.
2. If you see biz pals on the beach, keep the "hello’s" short and don’t talk business. Send fresh tomatoes or corn from Pike’s (the best farm stand) to their office on Monday.
3. Stay covered except when you head into the ocean. When you exit the water, be dramatic. I saw JFK Jr. do this. He knew the whole world was watching.